You may not control the betrayal but you do control your response

I have been betrayed by a mentor; someone I trusted and someone I had invested a lot of money with.  I can’t deny that it hurts and I wonder; what did I do wrong?  Why am I not good enough?  Why don’t they like me?

Then I wanted  to hurt them as they had hurt me.

When I found out that other people were betrayed as well; my insecure self kicked in and I wanted to create a party to bitch about how we had been wronged and to be honest; I may have done a bit of that as well.  However, I did share my dissatisfaction. I received a polite “I hear what you are saying….”  Then silence!!!

Here I am watching her soar to success with fans who are also soaring to success and again I wondered; “What did I do wrong?”

So, I have a choice: I can take care of myself by tearing them down which would only lead to more hurt for me or I can do something different.  I have been hurt enough so when I hit that fork in the road; I made the choice to take the high road by:

1. Taking responsibility: because I do have a part in this situation.

2. Being grateful for the lessons that I learned.

3. Re-affirming my commitment

4. Indulging myself in some extra TLC.

5. Forgiving

Allow me to get specific:

1. Taking responsibility: I allowed the high dollar investment to freeze my actions; I began to break out, gain weight and cry uncontrollably.  I began to worry and fret about those things that I do not control and that made everything worse.  In addition; when I began to feel unsupported I kept it to myself instead of talking to her because I believed something was wrong with me.  Many people may think she is perfect, but she doesn’t read minds.

2. Being Grateful for my lessons:  Through this ordeal I am now able to create a relationship with my clients that is authentic, honest and committed.  If I had a client like myself; I would have done anything to see how I can help her.  Please note: I am not saying that I  would have allowed myself to believe I could fix the problem, but what I will do is provide my clients with a firm and loving kick in the a**.  She did neither.  Indifference is worse than being hated and she was just indifferent.   I also learned that I had a bunch of money sh*t that I had to heal.

3. Re-affirm my commitment: I had to take some time, shut up my worry wart and listen.  I asked my gut: “I have a great family and they are what really matter; why did I think that I had to have a career?”  My gut answered back: “You are not embarking on a career but a calling.  So quit thinking about the how and make a decision.”  I went deep for many months without clients and began to create a calling that included my brilliance and I let go of those things that no longer fed me.”  I went back to the gym; I created work boundaries and started paying attention to my money and I found another coach that has what I desire but holds me accountable and finds me when I am hiding.

4. Indulge Myself in some extra TLC:  I began taking naps that refreshed me.  I took off one day a month that was just for me.  I soaked in baths full of lavender and epsom salts and I started cooking delicious and healthy meals again. Most importantly, I began to say NO to every person who wanted to meet or wanted to barter or wanted me to buy something.

5. Forgiving: I bless her and wish her all the happiness possible and I forgive her.  Forgiving has nothing to do with letting her off the hook but it lets me off the hook.  I also forgive myself for  not doing my part to make this partnership successful.

In the comment section; please share about your experiences with betrayal.  Did you go out for revenge or sulk?  What did you learn and how could you take care of yourself when someone hurts you?

Oops! Parents Are Not Perfect

A few days ago, I wrote about my son; he is such a feel good story and I received so many comments about my greatness.  My ego was stroked and I had puffed out my chest thinking yea; I am pretty cool.

HA!

Here is the part that I have not had the courage to share until now: As accepting I was to my son; I wasn’t nearly as accepting of my daughter.  That hurts to admit; but it is true.

When she was born, I held that precious child and promised that I would be the best mother in the world.

I read every parenting book, attended parenting classes and ridiculed every mistake I made each night.

I saw her as a better version of me: prettier, slimmer and smarter with a mom and dad who loved her and each other.  So, I gave her everything that I didn’t have; I tried to re- live my childhood and teenage years through her.

I gave up everything to make sure she had everything she wanted, except acceptance.  What I believe my daughter really desired was the be HER not a better version of ME.

Being Martyr Maureen only made me miserable; and placed too much responsibility on my daughter.

When I started my recovery from compulsive eating the fog was lifted and what I saw clearly were the mistakes that I made with my daughter.

I spent the rest of the year writing to her apologizing because I was trying to mold her into a Little Maureen.  I compiled 9 months worth of letter and stories into a book that I gave to my daughter on her 20th Birthday.

In one chapter of DEAR DAUGHTER: I OWE YOU APOLOGIES: I wrote: “I would die for you but I will not live for you any longer.”    In other words, if God came down and said that he needed either me or my daughter I would raise my hand and go.  I would give my kids a kidney,  bone marrow, even my heart.

However, living for her only hurts her because:

1. It makes her responsible for my happiness which is utterly impossible.

2.Actions speak louder than words.  Saying “Put Yourself First” without me “Putting Myself First”. is hypocritical.

When she is hurting it is hard not to make her tell me what is wrong and I hurt along with her but now I know that I don’t control her happiness, her actions or what comes out of her mouth.

Instead, I pray and ask God to watch over her and guide her to purpose and to self-love.

Screwing up as a mother seems like the worst possible crime but unfortunately we are human with our own hurts, dysfunction and crap.  What I have learned: Do not berate yourself, say your sorry and move forward are one of the most self-caring practices your can give yourself.

What will help you be a better mother to them is to be a better mother to you.

Can you relate to any of what I shared?  Let me know in the comment section!

Thanks for reading.

Austin sitting in the same spot that I left him in Fall 2008

3.5 years ago; I left my son.  He was 15 and I left him at a boarding school 2 hours south of my home.  It was the hardest thing I ever did.  When I look at this picture I still tear up and wonder how we ever left.

Why would I leave my child?  What kind of person leaves her child at a boarding school?

The kind of person who knew that she couldn’t keep her promise if she didn’t.

Austin was diagnosed with Autism just shy of 3 years old.  When he was diagnosed; I hugged him tightly and whispered that we would never give up on him.  We vowed to move heaven and earth and to fight anyone who got in our way from providing our son with every advantage possible.

This boarding school was his best chance of going to college so we found the recourses.  We were judged for our decision as well with remarks such as “How can you leave  your child?”  or  ”You have given up control over your child, how dare you!”

As the President of the people-pleaser club; that hurt and drove me to bed with a box of brownies because I was asking myself the same questions!  In addition, after 12 years of therapy, IEP’s, researching and fighing; I needed a break.

Yea, that was a tough thing to admit.  Part of me was a little relieved because I was burnt out.  I was also at the breaking point and feeling so guilty for feeling the way I felt and looking the way I did.

Luckily, it ended up being  the best decision we ever made.  Brehm Preparatory School has become our angel  giving Austin a high school experience where he goes to prom, has leadership positions, is in the play and has the opportunity to do what he loves: play sports and run half-marathons.

That child is not only going to Lynn University in the fall but he also received 2 scholarships with one being a National Scholarship.  Austin was one of 15 children to receive the reward from 1000s of applications.

In addition, his diagnosis went from Autism to severe language disability.  Austin understands what you are saying, it just takes him a few seconds longer.  I am not saying that he had Autism and was cured.  Rather, Language disabilities when left untreated can look like Autism.  After years of treatment, the echolalia, rigidness and sensory issues left Austin.

Now a new and scary chapter begins and that is why I am leaving.  I will be going to Boca Raton, Florida when my son enter school in the fall.  I will start with 2 weeks.  We just don’t know how much support he will need until we get into the school year.  We will see how the first year goes before deciding whether a permanent move will be needed.  As I think about all the details and logistics that go with starting a new chapter, I have been asking: “How can I take care of me during this time?”  In order for me refuse the binge and worry party, I am going to need some self-care  tricks to get me past the anxiety.

So that is why I am leaving but that is only a part of the story.

Makingitallfit.com  as you know it will disappear and be replaced with a new website, a new mission, a new tv station, new products and new programs focused on fighting the Superwoman paradigm.

During my 2 years as a Holistic Health Coach, I discovered that weight gain is a symptom and only addressing weight loss is like closing the door on a raging fire.  You may be safe for awhile but eventually you will get burned!

The real problem is the direct result of women not valuing their self-care and living up to a societal standard that is dysfunctional and unrealistic.

So, weight loss may be a focus when necessary.  It  just will not THE FOCUS.  Instead; I will be sharing ways that we can indulge ourselves without hurting ourselves.

I don’t know about you, but I have been hurt enough and I am determined to share the value of filling our bucket first so others can be fed from the overflow.

So, now lets get back to you!

With the closing of Makingitallfit.com 1.0; you will need to re-opt into my community.

Don’t worry I am going to give you a gift for doing so.  I have created a free report titled:

THE 5 SABOTAGING BEHAVIORS THAT STEAL YOUR TIME, MONEY AND HEALTH.

In the next few weeks,  I will be sending you emails reminding you to join the new party over at makingitallfit.com 2.0.

I hope you will come along for the ride, but if not; I wish you the best in health and happiness.

What if you are not on my list yet?  Well go over and get on it silly!  You can go to http://www.makingitallfit.com and input your name and phone number into the box in the upper right hand corner.  You will receive my Knock Out Body Restaurant Guide and notifications about the unveiling of my new home.

I thank you for reading and I can’t wait to show you my new home in Boca and online!

The words in the title is how God responds when we ask for something.

We think that we know how something is supposed to play out and it doesn’t.

Then we take that as a sign that maybe we should give up.

Does this sound familiar?  I can sure relate!

Let me know what you think after watching the video!

Toot Girl Toot!

I am miss humble and miss judgmental!

I cannot tell you all that I have accomplished because I can’t stand the thought of someone judging me.

And when I hear someone else toot their horn?  I feel this dip in my stomach; it just feels so wrong!

I am a humble person and when I hear someone talking about how they are the best thing since gluten-free bread; it makes me wonder….

WHY FEEL THE NEED TO TOOT YOUR OWN HORN?  Are you insecure?

Then I judge away!!

Recently, I have been getting my head stuck in that horn; not allowing any tooting to be unleashed and judging everyone’s tooting.

Then I feel yuck; I know it is only my insecurities.

I wonder why I can’t talk about my accomplishments; I guess in part they don’t really seem like accomplishments.  Anything wonderful that has happened has been the result of dumb luck.

Yet, if I don’t toot toot for me; who will?

If I don’t toot toot; how will  you know I can help you?

The childhood memories also haunt me; I remember bragging about receiving a Malibu Barbie Doll when I was 9 years old and my next door neighbor telling me that “people don’t like  a brag!”  So, I gave myself self-care by shutting up.

How long will I allow my childhood to control my adulthood?

The line is drawn and I say NO MORE.  One of the sweetest ways you or I can provide indulgent self-care is to acknowledge our gifts so others can notice theirs.  I have put together 3 tips that will help you and me toot with integrity:

1.  BAN I:  I have a facebook friend who writes “I love my life.” after every status.  Why?  Is it a way to convince herself that she does or does she want others to feel crappy about their lives?   When you toot; don’t say “I” or write “I” or record “I”.  Instead make it about others.  If it is on social media, visualize the person feeling good as a result of connecting with you.  For example, instead of saying “I am a 6 figure coach (gross,who cares?) say “Through my programs; thousands of women have taken the Indulge Yourself challenge and I love hearing about all their successes.  People don’t care about how much money you make but they do care about your impact.

2. ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL: Bob Burg is the master at this.  If he was going to be a private advisor to President Obama; he would say something like this: Speaking to President Obama today, thank you Michelle Obama for inviting me.  We know he is a big wig; but at the same time he is bringing up someone with him.

3. SAY THANK YOU AND DON’T SHUT UP!:  I have the honor of knowing Shelley McGuire; who is a 52 year old women thriving with Cystic Fibrosis.  She is a runner,gorgeous, extremely successful and fearless.  Whenever I say “Shelley, you are such an inspiration.”  She thanks me and returns the compliment: “Oh Mo, thank you and your strength inspires me everyday.  I love the way you are with your children.  Shelley didn’t poo poo my compliment; she received it graciously and  returned the gift.  What if  you don’t know the person?  Again, say thank you and if nothing else; it means a lot that you said that.  Or you made my day!

BONUS:  Embrace being perfectly imperfect:  I am not a celebrity lover but I do love Rachael Ray because she is not afraid to show her flaws!  She talks about cutting her fingers, burning bread and being impatient.  When Martha Stewart said that Rachel wasn’t a real chef; she agreed!  She embraced her imperfections and a nation loves her!

No one can relate to Miss perfect and trying to step into that role is abusive to your psyche and your body.

I am holding my horn ready to toot; FOR YOU!   Leave me a comment below about what you and I will toot a song for you!

Indulge Yourself! 52 Nibbles To Feed Your Soul

Big Things are happening over at Makingitallfit.com.

The new website is nearly ready!

Which means an old chapter will be closing while a new one beginning.

We can always count on change can’t we?

More about that next week; but I can tell you this: weight gain is a symptom and the cure INDULGENT SELF CARE!

That, my friend doesn’t cost you a penny!

In the meantime I am giving you a nibble of what is coming….

Each Wednesday, I promise to give you a nibble.  These nibbles are compliments of my newest product: INDULGE YOURSELF! 52 NIBBLES TO FEEDING YOUR SOUL.

These 52 cards are a combination of motivation, education and information.

And…

They are super pretty to look and and to hold.

You cannot purchase these cards yet… but here is one nibble:

Are you tired? Take a nap or go to bed. Weight release happens in your sleep.

7.5 hours is the magic number; but just like everything at Indulge Yourself University; the optimal number of sleepy hours is determined by your body.

Quality, along with  quantity sleep is vital to your health but has anyone told you why?  Ok, then I wll:

Sleep deprivation causes you to weight more because during sleep your body is working hard on  your metabolism by balancing the Gherlin and Leptin hormones.

• Gherlin tells you when to eat.  Sleeping less leads to your gherlin increasing.  What that means is that your body tells you to eat when you really don’t need to eat.
• Leptin tells you when you are full.  Sleeping less leads to you body producing less leptin so you have a hard time feeling when you are full.

To make this simple and to keep as a reminder; download this visual that I made for you!

SUPER COOL VISUAL!

Let me know; how do you sleep?  Leave me a comment below!

As you can see, I just got a new ipad 3!

WOO HOO!

I started to justify why I needed it and how my business and life will go BAM with it!

Guess, what? That is a LIE! I don’t need the latest gadget to grow my business; it is nice and super fun to have, but it won’t increase my revenues.

So, that got me thinking; what do you invest in thinking that it will save you?

Could it be the new “DIEt”?

Or That supplement pack and guarantees energy and fat loss while you eat chips and cookies?

Or that wrapping treatment that takes off inches in minutes?

I am not dogging these things; I just want you to put them in perspective.

They are merely the hammer, not the builder.

The builder needs the hammer to sculpt the perfect object but without the builder doing her part the hammer is just a thing on the ground that we will stub our toe on.

So, quit giving all the power and take it back.

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAVE YOURSELF; SO JUST DO IT!

I just stepped off my soapbox and will now walk my talk and pick up my ipad before someone steps on it!

Good night!

A few weeks ago; I had the privilege of traveling to Phoenix with my mastermind sisters who are also fellow Holistic Health Coaches.

Each morning I would travel to Whole Foods with one of these powerful women to pick up green juice.

Although I have heard about this miracle elixir; I had never had green juice and I must admit; I loved it.

This morning ritual is a non-negotiable for my friend; no matter what city she visits; she always has a car and she always has a green juice.

That made me think about what are my non-negotiables?  What are those rituals that support my health, wealth and happiness that I will do no matter where my feet land?

1.  Early morning ritual of meditation, journaling and prayer.  Without them I am truly lost.

2. Some sort of workout: I love my gym; but my gym doesn’t come with me, or does it?  I always have a jump rope and resistance band in my suitcase.

3. High quality food: I am dedicated to never being a victim to the vending machine; so I bring my goodies and purchase the rest when I am out of town.

4. Afternoon quiet time; it could be 30 minutes it could be 5 minutes but I will have my respite because otherwise, I am not so nice.

So what are your non-negotiables to self care?  What? You don’t have any?

Let’s start small; what is 1 thing you can start to do today that will honor your body, mind and soul?  Leave me a comment below so I can support you.

Letting go…. Seems so scary so we hold on for dear life with the illusion that we are safer just holding on.

Maybe you tell yourself that “When I have time then I will take care of myself.”

or

” It just isn’t worth fighting my family.”

“I know I need help, but I am afraid that I will fail again; so I will go back to a lower investment diet program” Even though that program has never worked for you.

I understand, Self-care sounds sooo good; in fact you may be starving for it; yet you don’t believe that you are worth it.”

So we hold on to that trapeze bar; because being uncomfortable is safer than falling.

I am here to tell you that You are worth it and if you don’t let go of that trapeze bar and the world will be in pain because while you are holding on for dear life; you best life is passing you by.

So, let go; yes it is super scary and you may feel like you are falling and regret letting go but below you is a safety net that is super bouncy and when you hit that net; you will bounce up and be able to grab the trapeze in front of you and that trapeze represents your next fabulous chapter.

I found this trapeze visualization during my study at the Institute For Integrative Nutrition: Click on the button below and take a listen:

So leave me a comment and let me know how you like the audio!

Are you wondering why I took a picture of myself in a 2 piece swimming suit?

I took my clothes off because I talk about body love all the time; love your body no matter what.

Yet, I wasn’t willing to do it 100%

When I released 50 pounds in 2009; I fell in love with my body all over again; 150 was good enough I said….

Then the honeymoon ended and 10 pounds slowly reappeared.

I felt lost because what used to work no longer worked.  My 12 step group; that saved me was slowly sucking my energy.

I started to wear the same clothes everyday and that old song started to play in my head once again: “You are just stupid and fat.”

I knew something had to change; but I just wasn’t sure what and like my clients I didn’t want to go back to shopping diet plans because now I knew more.

I knew that stress was taking its toll on me.

I knew that I had allowed some non-negotiables to become negotiable.

One of those non-negotiables was a pantry that supported my health and gave me energy.  I took a good hard look at the pantry and on those shelves was a true reflection of my feelings.

* Cereal had reappeared on the shelves, along with chips and cookies.  My husband had requested them and I had obliged.

I promptly threw them out.  Full bags of sugar and salt were crushed and purged into the trashcan.

He doesn’t need them and I don’t want them so they are gone.

What I am doing now is an Extreme Pantry Makeover and I decided to show you how you can do the same in my new content filled, no cost video series:

The Secrets to a Clean and Lean Pantry.

You can get more information and sign up here.

What about the state of my body?

I hired a health coach, joined a gym that I love  (and costly) and have started an elimination diet to start uncovering the mysteries of my food allergies.

So, can you relate?  What is one thing that you are going to make a non-negotiable?  Let me know in the comment section.